"I want to see the world through your eyes"

I try to be honest when I state: during the evenings, my emotions get the better of me. Loneliness consumes my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I wish I could share my world with another.

As a mother, my son is the first person I'd like to share my world with. However, it gets dark. When light enters, I find balance again.

I wouldn't call myself religious. I guess spiritual would describe me best. I didn't feel as alone as I do now. My childhood was good. Currently, as a disabled adult, I yearn for healing and peace in my soul.

When I was younger, I didn't feel alone. By myself, I'd take long trips around the Los Angeles area, the beach, and around the San Fernando Valley. Each time was a venture to unknown territories outside of school and home. I loved it. I didn't realize what danger surrounded me. I wasn't afraid. Fond memories include, a solo summer where I enrolled in an Oceanography course at LAVC; and having the chance to go to the beach solo ( that summer I went to Manhattan Beach often ). I had told my parents I was studying... ha-ha. code for private time alone. I totally loved it.

My college years are very blurry. During my community college years (at its first attempt) I didn't know what courses to enroll myself. I was having a good time, I"m sure of it; however, directionless. But one who wonders isn't always lost.

Negativity says I felt very unsupported with the route I wanted to pursue. Positive thoughts dictates to me that: sure I did have direction in life, the devastation of disorganized thought and mental illness plagued my years as a young adult. I was only 19 when I was first hospitalized. It wasn't pleasant. It was traumatizing and scary. When I returned home, I felt hurt, betrayed, and very very heartbroken.

okay change in subject: "My Efforts" before fell ill. -
I wanted to major in Communication. The communication major is very broad. I wanted to do something in social engineering (anything dealing with the media, the general community, and family.) I wanted to have a family of my own. I wanted to meet the right people and have everything just fall into place and find my purpose.

Disorganized thoughts continued to plague me. They still do at times. I maintain with medicines, and care from my professionals.

Because my thoughts and emotions were overwhelming and my mental disability was getting outta control. I failed at many things. and continue to do so. That's life. But few lost battles doesn't mean a failure as a whole.

Anyhow, no regrets. right?

regarding Love & Life
In life, there is love. I'm sure of it. I can bet my life on it. I don't want to expand on it because I'm on "single" status and will be there in that state until I find               .

I wish the best for all my past relationships. I don't wish the worst for them. Each person who achieves greatness isn't my work; however, it makes me happier to know that everyone who I ever came across is a success.

Anyhow, I want to see the world through the eyes of another. My world is empty without others.
my thoughts fall on deaf ears. i feel alone tonight.

*sigh*