Sugar Makes the Medicine Go Down, In the most Delightful Way

Expanding on the my journey in Rehabilitation:

While growing up, I had an ability to lead by example. When others took notice, at first I didn't understand, but as I continued with growing, it becomes more and more obvious. 

I went through rehabilitation to organize my thoughts, I found tools such as assertive communication, taking responsibility, and finding simple solutions. It was kinda like learning the basics all over again.

Additionally, the medications help too. ... and my very caring psychiatrist who is now working for UCLA geriatric department. Gotta give that Doctor credit for sure. Anyhow... on the topic of my journey in rehabilitation, I find genuinely concerned and helpful people and I find other who's help just become smothering and *sigh* it becomes a disruption; even if intentions were innocent.

I have come to accept: There is good and bad, but overall. I strongly believe there's still hope for me in the world. I don't think I'll ever be the over achiever I was when I was younger. Humbly, I still lead by example. What I realized during my rehabilitation, I have a voice; unlike the mute girl, in a near catatonic state in the hospital who was less than 95 lbs and just a train wreck.

I sometimes get insulted when I do speak my mind and the other end just expects to hear what they want to hear. *laughing* Sometimes, there's no winning just accepting things as they are.

During Rehab, I mingled with the AA groups. (note: I rarely drink and when I do I drink coffee!) What I recall most from the meetings were their serenity prayer; which is in translation Saint Francis of Assisi's Prayer in the Catholicism. I heard it from a girl in the hospital; I asked her to write it down for me so that I can remember... I knew if I didn't have it in writing for sure I would forget due to the sedatives and medication! and of course, she graciously did so.

I recall a former teacher of mine describing how it felt to speed read, then slow down remarkably with age, and re-learning to read again at an average pace. Well, my rehabilitation was just that.

I remember when I was starting to go through my mental symptoms asking myself: "When did I begin to read?" I was an awful student during elementary school. Kinda scary to know my math and reading skills were below average before Junior High School. In my opinion, I strongly feel I was delayed in my learning skills. Tonight, I can call this cognitive dissolution of mine my way of reflection.

I think then, I was so scared and frightened inside that I didn't want to read. I didn't want to know anymore. I wanted to tune the whole world out because I didn't know who I had become. I stopped. I shut down. Without the help of my supports, I wouldn't have seen the goodness again.

Although I'm a person with a gravely disabled status under the mental health courts. Neat a roo! I'm a ward of the state! That's a thought I'm flattered to think about.

Anyhow, basically, multiple hospitalizations and inabilities to adapt back at home had my social workers decide that independent living was best for me. Adjustment wasn't pleasant. I continue to adapt.

I'm going to stop this entry here for now. I'm okay with that.